6 years!

So, I guess it’s been a while again.

There are many things I could mention but I won’t talk about the world right now.

We all get enough updates, messages and news articles…

This has been my safe space for so long and to think it’s been 6 years is crazy. The support from you guys has helped me through to fight another day and I hope there will be more people resonating with my posts in the future too. I still write about whatever’s going through my mind and my only “goal” is letting it all out. Even if it’s just one person reading it, that will always be enough for me. Anything else is just a bonus.

No poetry or stories today though, just a big virtual hug to whoever’s reading this.

Whatever you’re going through or where you are, you’re not alone. xx

The courage to fall

Life is different now. You always ask me about my day, how I’m feeling. He never did. I almost feel like I don’t deserve all of your kindness. I’ve never felt this type of love before. It took me two weeks to fall for you. Exactly two weeks for me to get over my grief. You’re not holding back anything, but I am. I’m sorry that I do, I just can’t seem to get away my fears. One step at a time, as you’re reaching for me. I’m imagining how it feels like, to be held in your arms. I should be happy about that, about everything. So I’ve decided to do just that. I’m gonna jump and fall. I’m gonna smile through the process of success and failure. But remember we’re gonna fight, we’ll be rude, we’ll say things we don’t mean. But if this is meant to be. Then it’ll all be worth it. 

New feelings every day

“Believe in yourself”, they say. “Just do it!” So tell me how. How can I believe in myself, when I don’t recognize myself in the mirror? How can I believe in myself, when you’re making it worse? I can’t control my feelings whatsoever. They come, and they go. How can you, of all people, forbid me to feel sadness? After everything we’ve been through? Now I’m forced to fake my happiness, as long as it takes. Until my “fake depression” just magically goes away. Let me tell you something, that’s not how it works. Support, makes it go away. Hugs, make it a little easier. Understanding, makes it even better. Words have been thrown at me, raining down like my tear drops. I am struggling for a reason, not by choice. I am struggling.

Peaceful Morning

I’m an hour too early for school today, since I start my day a bit later than usual. Which means I get some time to think. It’s sunny today, and I feel a bit better even though I still have a lot to do. I’m sitting alone, watching the sun shine through the windows, peacefully. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this way, but it’s probably ’cause I actually managed to get some sleep last night. I’m in a good mood today, so I wish you all a wonderful day. Believe in yourself, even in the darkest of times, ’cause it’ll all be worth it in the end. I’m still dreaming about singing on stage and stuff, that other people around me doubt that I will achieve. 🎤 That shouldn’t stop me, and I will not let it either. One day, my friend. One day, I will prove them wrong. xx 💖